


Candor

by skydark



Series: Candor [1]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist
Genre: M/M, Roy/Ed - Freeform, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-01-21
Updated: 2011-01-21
Packaged: 2017-10-14 22:41:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 21,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/154255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skydark/pseuds/skydark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Truth Hurts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Candor

The noise he kept hearing was not in his dream.

It was a loud, rough banging, which Roy's subconscious had immediately interpreted as the banging of a headboard against a wall. That made Roy smile into his pillow and arch into his mattress, a name sprang to mind, then several names and he could almost smell the undertones of lilacs in the perfume that would mar this pillowcases. Ah, sweet banging.

But the banging turned unexpected sour when the dulcet tones of wood striking sheetrock rhythmically were corrupted by the sound of a rough male voice accompanying them. He couldn't make out the actual words, but he thought he heard his name quite a few times. It was incessant and going on far longer than even fantasy images of his prowess would allow and that's what finally drug him up from sleep to a half bleary wakefulness.

No man could smack sheetrock that long and live to tell the tale.

He fumbled at his clock and stared at the face of it uncomprehending. There was no light in the room and no way to tell what the actual time was; he tried to guess at it and came up somewhere between 'way to early to be awake' o'clock and 'who the hell is that and I'm going to fry them for waking me up' o'clock. He kicked at the sheets for several minutes as he listened to the sounds of his front door beginning to give way under the assault and for good measure grabbed a white flint cloth glove off his bedside table before stumbling into the door fame trying to negotiate his way out of the room.

He stood for a moment at his front door, he leaned his forehead on it, _(and each pound on the door sent vibrations all the way down his spine)_ , as he worked the glove onto his hand. He knew who was outside the door and it didn't matter one bit; he was more than prepared to snap the hell out of him.

What fucking time was it?

He snatched the door open in time to keep another pound from occurring and fumbled to throw on his porch light, pawing at the wall beside the door frame.

"Good GOD, what the hell do you want at this time of the morning? Have you succeeded in waking up all the neighbors? Why the HELL is it you come here? Did you lose your key? Did Al finally throw you out? What do you want?!" He hoped his half awake squint was intimidating, but rather suspected it was the opposite.

Edward grinned at him, hair all in his eyes, helmet clutched under the arm he wasn't using to pound the door. He looked like he hadn't shaved for a week and Roy suspected that he smelled far worse up close then he did from the few feet apart in which they stood.

"I was in the neighborhood," Ed said cheerfully, "and I thought I would drop in on my old buddy and C.O., the Colonel..."

"It's _General_ , get in here, every porch light in the neighborhood is on," Roy grabbed Ed by the shoulder of his leather jacket and yanked him inside, shutting the door behind him and managing to flip off his porch light. "If the cops come this time, Edward, I swear, I will have them arrest you."

"Fuck no you won't, you didn't last time," Ed shrugged off Roy's hand and started down the hall. He turned into the living room and tossed his helmet into the armchair. It promptly rolled into the floor with a loud clatter and Ed started taking off his jacket.

"Hold it," Roy said, following him in, "who said you were staying? Don't get comfortable, you're going home. Do you need coffee? Do you ever bathe anymore? Does Al know where you are?"

Ed halted in mid-shrug of dropping his jacket on the floor where he stood.

"Just let me sleep on your couch, tight-ass, fuck, I haven't worn out that gratitude card yet," Ed snorted, then let the jacket fall. "I'm fucking wiped, Al ain't my damn mother, yes make me coffee."

Roy stood for a few moments before turning and marching further down the hallway toward the kitchen, angrily working the glove off of his hand. Every time was the same argument and every time he ended up letting Edward stay.

Why? _Why?_

Since his 'liberation' as Edward called it he'd gone out of his way to test every limit and boundary known to man. He was reckless, he was insatiable, he was incorrigible and was rapidly becoming certifiable. Roy knew that Ed had his wild time coming, but it had been going on for quite a while now and instead of burning itself out of his system, it only seemed to be intensifying.

Roy knew the reason Ed was here. Al would pitch a fit. If Edward showed up at their apartment looking like this...well that probably meant Ed hadn't been home in a few days. That probably meant Al was half way livid with anger and worry. Roy just couldn't understand it. He doubted anyone could. Did Edward really need to burn the candle at both ends the way he was now?

And why, for the love of god, did he always end up in Roy's house? That was really hard to figure out; but at least he had ended up here before the days of absence had worn on long enough to make Al called him in fear. Roy thunked around in the kitchen, turning on the stove and running water into the coffee pot.

Ed appeared in the doorway, slouched against it, folded his arms over his chest and sighed.

"So when do you plan to call Al? Do you enjoy doing this to him?" Roy said, getting coffee mugs from the drainer by his sink; fetching the sugar from the cabinet.

"Look, don't you worry about Al and me, ok? We're _fine_. Fuck, he's more than fine. You know he landed that big research contract, you know that, right? Hell you piratically gift wrapped it for him. He's set for the next five years if he's set for a day, and it's huge, he'll do great. They are fucking lucky to have him and they know it, should get you a lot of pats on the back. So don't you sweat what is going on in my family life, just butt the fuck out."

Roy shoved away from the counter and grabbed Ed by the shoulder again and spun him around. He gripped him by the back of his neck and the ass of his jeans and marched him to the front door, there he pinned him against the wall as Ed yelped and tried to struggle until he got the front door open.

Then he tossed Edward Elric out on his ass and slammed the door.

After a moment he tossed his helmet and leather jacket out, too, for good measure.

***

After going back to bed for a glorious hour and forty-five more minutes of sleep, _(his alarm clock barely survived the encounter)_ , Roy forced himself to his front door and prepared to go to work for the day. Already he was counting the hours until he could slip away to nap in an unoccupied conference room. So intent was he, on his image of getting to sleep at work, that it didn't register for a moment when his foot hit something on his front stoop. He flailed wildly and caught himself on the door jamb and slowly looked down, knowing was was going to be there.

"Ow, the fuck, watch where you're walking," Ed grumbled from under the blanket of his leather coat. He struggled to sit up as Roy continued to stare at him. "What was I suppose to do? You threw me the fuck out."

"Go home, for god sake Edward, go home," Roy growled, stepping around him and shutting the door behind him. "I know that piece of shit motorcycle puddling oil on my walk runs, get on it and take your sorry ass home," Roy turned then, righteous steam building, and started down said oil stained walk.

"Oh, hey, come on, let me in! I need to pee for god's sake! I'll do it right out here in the open, right in front of your house! The neighbors will see!" Ed called after him.

Roy stopped, turned nearly on his heel. He withdrew a glove from his pocket and slowly made a demonstration of putting it on. Ed's eyes widened slightly, he hastily raised his hands, palms toward each other, demonstrating his willingness to clap. Roy just extended his hand toward Ed's beat up, hobbled together black motorcycle and Ed went to his knees.

"NO! Ok fuck, I'll go home, lay off that, it's an antique!" Ed pleaded.

Roy worked his jaw, then nodded, then pointed at Ed once before turning without a word and heading toward his car parked at the curb.

"HEY, BASTARD," Ed yelled loud enough for Central command to hear, "When the fuck are you going to go out with me?"

 _That_ was another great mystery to Roy.

Go out with Edward _where_?

***

Roy stood stock still in astonishment. Here it was, nine hours later, and who was sitting on the front stoop of his house almost as if he hadn't moved from it in the first place? He looked up and down the street to make sure he was at the right house, and then Ed stood up, tried to smooth down his hair and put a hand on his hip and tilted his head and arched an eyebrow.

This came across as a challenge to Roy. He squared his jaw and started up the walk. He didn't even glance at the motorcycle as he passed it, although he felt the urge to kick it over. Ed unceremoniously wiped his nose on the sleeve with Roy got closer and tried to look self assured and calm in the chaos of himself.

Roy stopped a few feet away, said nothing, but just eyed him. Ed didn't like silences, he hated wasted air between himself and another person when it could be filled up with words.

"Yeah, so, I waited on you to get home, don't make anything of it like you're special. Also? I peed out back so the neighbors couldn't see," Ed said, wiping at his nose again.

Roy opened his mouth but for the life of him couldn't reply. All he could do is look at this sullen, ragged figure before him and wonder what the hell was going on. What was Edward doing with his life? Everyone around him spoke to him as if _he_ should know just what was going on behind those golden eyes. That he has some secret privy to the inner working of Ed's brain. And maybe, at some point in the boy-now-young man's youth, he had; but apparent Edward had lost that mind and replaced it with this new one.

Ed even smiled when Roy stepped up past him on the stoop and keyed the door open. Roy ignored the muffled shout of outrage when he shut the door in Ed's face.

***

Dinner came and went and Roy peeked out the blinds again. He was still there, sitting on the front stoop, hugging his knees and quite frankly looking like he didn't have a friend in the world.

He was so amazingly persistent, so incredibly resilient and Roy felt himself weaken.

Goddamn it.

Another fifteen minutes passed and because Roy _was_ a human after all, and he _did_ care for Ed in ways even he didn't understand, he went and opened his front door. Ed whirled and looked up at him and the look on his face reminded Roy of people befriending a stray dog.

"DON'T speak, you'll screw this up," Roy warned. "Just go and take a shower and come into the kitchen when you are through."

Ed immediately clamped his jaw shut, scrambled to his feet and dashed past Roy into the house as if he was afraid Roy would change his mind. Roy heard the bathroom door slam and, satisfied, he went to make Ed some dinner.

Ed slunk into the kitchen some twenty minutes later. Hair wet and clinging to his shoulders, towel wrapped around his waist. Roy looked at him, then indicated a kitchen chair by turning his head to look at it slowly and Ed went over to it and sat.

"Can I talk now?" Ed started and Roy cut his eyes back to Ed's face and Ed went quiet.

Roy walked over with a bowl of soup and a couple of sandwiches perched on a plate and sat it in front of Ed. Ed suddenly didn't want to talk, he was much more interested in seeing how fast and far he could shove both sandwiches down his throat at once. The he lifted the bowl of soup and got it down in about three large gulps. He didn't ask for anything else, but Roy saw his eyes stray to the bag of bread still sitting on the counter.

"When's the last time you ate?" Roy said, folding his arms.

"I'm not fucking twelve anymore..." Ed started.

"WHEN is the last time you ate?" Roy said again.

"I'm not in the military, I'm not your subordinate anymore..." Ed continued, getting louder himself.

Roy walked over suddenly and leaned close and Edward physically pushed his chair back in surprise, eyes widening.

"If you can't handle the fact you are in my house and under my rules, I invite you to leave right now," Roy said, soft and low.

"I lost my wallet a couple of days ago," Ed finally said, slow and begrudgingly.

"And you didn't go home because....?" Roy said.

"I didn't want Al to bitch at me, ok? I just didn't want to deal with it," Ed glanced at the counter again.

Roy went to get the sandwich makings out again, bringing them all to the table and setting them in front of Ed. Ed bobbed his head in gratitude and started making another couple of sandwiches without looking at Roy.

"You're going to have to go home and patch things up with Al," Roy said, sitting down opposite Ed with a sigh. "He's probably worried sick, I'll call him tomorrow from the office."

"No," Ed said quickly, looking up, "I'll handle it, just let me handle it. I'll call him," he then dropped his gaze back down to the half made sandwich in his hand.

"See that you do," Roy said, watching Ed wolf a third and fourth sandwich.

Now was his chance. Ed seemed sufficiently cowed and willing to answer questions. Now is when he should launch into the lecture about how Ed was wasting his time and his life. How Ed was worrying his brother, how Ed was giving up all kinds of golden opportunities. He'd sewn his oats long enough, he was an adult now. It was time to settle down and take up a career and enjoy what he'd fought so hard to win. He'd won, there was no need to keep charging at life like he never knew if he'd see the next day.

He watched Ed toy with the idea of a fifth sandwich and give in.

He'd just let Ed sleep off his glut tonight, he could always talk to him in the morning.

***

The roar of the ancient motorcycle woke him just before the alarm clock went off.

Roy sat up and rubbed at his eyes, got up and trotted out to the living room to confirm what he'd heard.

He glanced out the front window and saw tail lights heading down the street, they disappeared behind the neighbor's hedge and Roy nodded.

Good. Ed was going home and patching things up with his brother and life could return to normal. That was settled.

Only when he got to the office he found things weren't as settled as he'd hoped they be. There, on top of his in box sat a note asking him to return the phone call of one Mr. Alphonse Elric. Roy toyed with the piece of paper. It must have come in late last night, after he'd left for home; but no, the time on it read this morning, just before he'd arrived.

He turned his desk phone toward him and dialed the number, fingered the edge of the little note until a familiar voice came over the line.

"Hello?" Alphonse Elric said, sounding a bit subdued and hopeful.

"Alphonse," Roy returned as way of greeting, "I just got into the office and I have your note. Did Ed make it home alright?" he asked.

"General, thanks for returning my call," Al seemed to give a sigh of relief. "You're seen Ed? Good. I admit I was getting a bit worried. I mean, I know he's perfectly capable of taking care of himself. I spent years on the road with him and I know how resourceful he is, but still, it's good to have an eye witness report on his whereabouts."

"He hasn't made it home yet?" Roy said. "He left pretty early this morning, I'm sure he would have been there by now. Then again, that motorcycle has seen better days, he might be pushing it home and that could take a while."

Alphonse was quiet for a moment, then he cleared his throat a little.

"I see he hasn't told you," Al said.

"Told me?" Roy inquired, starting to pull other things out of his inbox. "Something going on I should know about? He seemed alright if a bit smelly last night. Also, he lost his wallet, or so he said. He should really be more careful. Is he still going to those bars in mid-town? Seems to me he needs a better way to work off some of his energy."

"I've been telling him that for months, but you don't need to hear about my nagging," Al sighed.

"I keep looking for contracts I think will tempt him. The problem is he's so damn brilliant and I just don't think he'd go for desk work that comes along with a lot of these and field work is always snapped up first by those with seniority," Roy sighed, shuffled some papers around. "Do you think you could find him a position in your new project?"

"We talked about that," Al said tightly, "I don't think he'd appreciate being my employee, or at least that is the impression I got. I will never escape the stigma of being his 'little' brother. But that's neither here nor there, he wouldn't be happy on that job. Listen, General," Al took a deep breath, "he's been all sorts of out of control lately and well... for his own good and my sanity, at least for a while, I've kicked him out."

"Kicked him out as in...out of your apartment?" Roy wondered if his voice sounded as credulous as he felt.

"I know what it sounds like, but believe me, he needs it," Al made another sigh. "He gets on these tirades and while I can hazard what set him off this time, I don't always know what to do about them. He's just been crazy lately. He goes out, he stays gone for days, he comes home drunk and exhausted. He makes no effort to help me with the daily business of life, it's like he sees me as an intruder when I ask him where he's going or what he's doing. I really think... I really think he's jealous that I got this contract and I'm the head of this project. And, well, I think he's kind of jealous you gave it to me."

"Jealous?" Roy almost sputtered. "But he's turned down job offer after job offer. I have really gone out of my way to try to find him a good position. I don't see him making any real effort to find his _own_ and I was trying to do him and you a favor, but he turns them down flat."

"I know," Al says. "Believe me, I've been doing the same thing, but he is just really being difficult and I can't figure out what he's looking for. Maybe I'm to close to the problem, maybe he needs to tell someone else, someone like..." Al trailed off for a moment. "I really don't want to pull you into anything, but do you think, when you see him again, you could ask him?"

"Ask him?" Roy echoed.

"As him what he wants. You know, if only he'd tell me, I'd do it," Al said.

To his surprise, Roy thought he would, too.

***

Now he waited.

He kept listening for the distant hum of a gravely bike motor. He kept himself from calling Al for the next couple of days, hoping Ed would wander in on his own.

Naturally, Ed was very unhelpful and Roy found himself thinking time again about driving around to all the little dives and seeing if there was a dingy black motorcycle in their parking lot.

Another night of waiting and that is just what he did.

He hadn't prowled in a moon's age. One after the other he patrolled the shady back streets of Central, stopping at each dimly lit and neon forsaken place where someone could walk into and crawl out of to the next one down the street. And just as he was going to call it a night, he struck pay dirt. He almost missed it, the bike was leaning haphazardly near a dumpster and almost looked like it belonged there. So he parked his car down the street and waited. And waited. He thumped the steering wheel and debated with himself.

Ed was a grown man. If he wanted to spend the night in a bar, well that was Ed's business and it was certainly none of Roy's.

If Ed wanted to pickle that incredible brain, well that was certainly his prerogative and Roy really didn't have a say in the matter.

Only...he'd worked hard to give that brain opportunities. He'd done outlandish and sometimes questionable things to get that brain all the right resources and leads. He'd nurtured that brain and supported that brain and watched that brain overcome incredible odd and surmount impossible goals. He had every right to see to it that brain remained in tact, he was _invested_ in that brain and he would be damned if he let a brain he'd given years of his life to rot away on some cheap swill in a derelict building in an alley no sane man would be in after dark.

He opened the car door and got out.

***

Trying to see inside the building was like trying to see through mud. Roy groped his way to the bar and peered down the length of it. Ed's hair should stand out like a beacon in this gloom, and he saw no blonds sitting on what passed for bar stools. He pushed away from the bar cautiously, waving off the grunt of the bartender and moved further into the room against his own better judgment. A couple of ladies, _(it didn't matter what they looked like, he was pretty certain they were female and he didn't know them and it just comforted him to think of them as ladies)_ , spoke to him as he passed by, but he nodded them off as well.

It seemed that someone, besides Ed, had bad taste in motorcycles, but he didn't see a familiar figure anywhere and he started to turn to go. As he did so, a man seated in the back got up, and in doing so he revealed the man sitting at the table with him. A small man who's head of blond hair stuck out like a sore thumb in the miasma that floated in the bar just below the ceiling.

Now that he'd found him, how did he approach him? What was his excuse for being here? It seemed to Roy that Ed might get defensive, thinking Roy was checking up on him, _(which is exactly what Roy was doing)_ , and become belligerent, _(well, it's not like that would be anything new)_. The man who had been sitting with Ed shoved his way to the bar and Roy heard him order two beers.

It didn't seem that Ed needed a wallet in order to get a drink.

Well of course not, in the right company Ed was pretty and he was...

Roy strode to the table and snorted loud enough for Ed to actually look up at him and squint. Roy put his hands on his hips and put on his best glower and Ed stared at him like he had two heads.

"Colonel?" Ed said, sounding surprised and only slightly slurred.

"It's General," Roy reminded him again. "Edward, I really want to know what you think you're doing?"

"Getting a drink?" Ed said, sounding slightly confused.

"That's not what I mean, look, I talked with Al a couple of days ago..." Roy hissed, getting closer, but Ed looked past Roy and sat up straighter. Roy half turned to see the man from before returning with two beer mugs in his hand. The man gave Roy an all over appraisal, then snorted and shoved past him, clanking the mugs onto the table and sloshing beer over his hand. He raised his beer soaked hand to his mouth and started to lick it clean, grinning at Ed and giving him the eyebrows.

Roy wasn't sure what his facial features were doing, but Ed kept shooting him nervous glances and when the man sat back down to Ed's right and leaned over and took Ed's ear into his mouth, Roy could honesty say he though he'd been transported to the land of No Fucking Way.

Roy also wasn't sure how his hands hand found their way into the man's coat or why there was so much yelling going on.

"GET YOUR MOUTH OFF OF HIM, HE'S A MINOR," Roy was certain that was his own voice.

"YOU FUCKING BASTARD, I HAVEN'T BEEN A MINOR FOR YEARS," that was Ed.

"GET YOUR OWN PIECE YOU OLD TROLL, THIS ONE IS MINE," who that was, Roy had no clue.

And then there were flying fists and Roy's jaw hurt but he kept on swinging and then someone half carried him out of the bar and dumped him in the parking lot and stood over him snarling like a rabid dog.

"YEAH OK BACK OFF, HE'S HAD ENOUGH," that was Ed again.

"What's happened?" Roy asked, feeling slightly dizzy.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP, HOW WILL I GET FREE BEER NOW?!" Ed screamed into his face.

"I'll buy you a beer," Roy said in order to get Ed to stop screaming.

"FUCK, I'm taking you home, where is the car?" Ed snarled.

Roy had to wonder, as Ed hauled him to his feet, just who was taking care of who here.

***

Ed drove the car and Roy sat in the passengers seat feeling more than a little stunned.

"Are you ok to drive? You were drinking..." Roy began.

"SHUT up," Ed hissed, and Roy fell silent.

The drove the rest of the way back to Roy's house that way. Roy remembered, once, when he'd gotten into a fight in grade school and his father had been dispatched to bring him home. He'd sat in the same ramrod straight position, fear tightening his spine and dread at actually getting home to see what sort of punishment his indiscretion would bring.

This felt exactly like that.

Ed parked the car next to the curb and got out. Roy waited for a moment, then got out to and stood looking at Ed who was glaring at him from the walk.

"You were checking up on me," Ed accused.

"I was," Roy admitted, after all, he'd been caught red handed.

"Funny thing, you. Throwing me out of your house one day, checking up on me the next," Ed growled.

"Well that's the way I work," Roy said, turning to start up the walk. "I don't have to justify my actions to you."

Ed charged after him, reached out and snagged the back of Roy's jacket, bringing him up just short of the front stoop. Roy stopped and turned to look at him, pulling his mask of indifference down to cover his embarrassment.

"Like hell you don't! What is it with you? Hot and cold, off and on, stop and go! What right do you think you have to come poking your nose into my business?! In case you haven't noticed there is nothing between us anymore! You're not responsible for me anymore! I don't answer to you anymore! You got that? I ain't your problem anymore!" Ed then took a step back, and another. He licked his lips and looked around. "You...you just back off, I don't know what's got into you," he mumbled. "I have to get back to my bike."

"That is where you're wrong," Roy said calmly. "If you're not my problem anymore, why do you keep bringing them to my doorstep? Why is it every time I turn around, there you are? You can't expect me not to get involved when you pull me in, however reluctantly, every inch of the way. Do you think you can come to me like this and not have me care? Is that what you think of me? Do you think that I can just have a front row seat to you throwing your life away, debasing yourself in dives for free drinks and not have me get involved? Ed, I think I'm stupid, because I'm looking at you right now and I'm realizing, you _want_ me to be involved. You literally hand write the invitation to my involvement."

"That's a load of Roy Mustang patented bullshit," Ed snarled.

"Al told me what happened. Where the hell are you staying? I hope you aren't sleeping around to get a free bed," Roy sneered back.

"I ought to lay you out," Ed said lowly. "I ought to wipe that fucking, condescending look right off your smug bastard face. Don't think I can't do it, don't think I haven't dreamed about doing it," Ed took a deep breath, flexed his hands and rolled his head on his shoulders.

"Why do you keep coming to me?" Roy asked, steady and even. "Tell me Ed, what do you want?"

"Like it matters to you," Ed half spat. "Why do you care what I do? What is that to you?"

"Don't answer my question with a question, don't evade the issues, this isn't about me," Roy took a step forward and Ed took a step back. "I'm stable, I know what I want from life, I'm doing the best I can with what I have, what about you Ed? Can you say the same things?"

"Fuck you, fuck you, I don't have to answer any of this shit," Ed kept retreating and Roy kept advancing. Back down the walk they went, step by step.

"Is it my attention you want, Ed? You can have it, all you have to do is ask," Roy said softly.

"Oh fuck you to hell," Ed whispered, but he stopped retreating after that.

***

They just stood there, facing each other for a bit. Roy turned and went back up to the house, but Ed stayed where he was, near the end of the walk. Roy waited for him, eventually sitting on the stoop, but still Ed stayed where he was and only watched Roy in a wounded sort of way.

It was like trying to coax in a cat that had gone feral. It took patience and quite, it would take a great deal of kindness, too. He pulled his knees up and folded his arms across them, watching as Ed started to pace a bit, back and forth the width of the walk, _(which wasn't much)_. He stopped and rubbed his face for a moment, then he would look at Roy again.

Finally Ed came to some sort of decision, he came half way up the walk and stopped as if afraid to get any closer in case he were to need to run.

"Ok, so you know what? You're still full of shit and I don't have the first clue why I'm playing your asinine game, but I'll bite. No, I don't want your attention, why the fuck would I want your attention? I'm not the groomable type, you got Al for that."

"Are you mad I got Al his job?" Roy asked. "I've tried to get jobs for you as well."

"What? No I ain't mad you got Al his job," Ed snorted, "what kind of brother do you think I am? Al is perfect for that job, he'll be great at it. It's an important position."

"Are you jealous?" Roy asked.

"You must be insane," Ed said, throwing his arms wide, "why would I be jealous?"

"It's a pretty prestigious position," Roy said, "it will get Al a lot of attention."

"Oh, and because I'm such an attention whore I have to have it all," Ed said, letting his arms drop.

"Are you being honest?" Roy said, unfolding his arms and then leaning back on his hands. "Think about it."

Ed stood and glared at him for a few more moments, but then he turned away. He retreated to his former position down at the end of the walk to mull this over. But Ed, if anything, was an honest soul and when he returned to his speaking platform, _(which seemed to be the middle of the walk)_ , he was a bit more somber.

"Ok, so tell me, why didn't you offer that position to me?" Ed asked.

Roy puffed out his cheeks and blew out his lips slowly. He looked up at the night sky a moment, then looked at Ed.

"You don't have the leadership potential your brother does," Roy said quite honestly, "and you don't have what it takes to inspire other people to work with you. You are very much a force of one, and that is not what the project needed. It needed someone who could manage a team of individuals and get them to work together, not someone who would regard them all as his personal lackeys while he got the glory work."

Ed charged up the walk, breathing hard, he stopped at Roy's feet and balled his fists.

"You know it's the truth," Roy said, not flinching and not backing down. "You prize your intelligence, and rightfully so, but I've seen you, time and again, push people away with your arrogance. I don't think you mean to, and I don't think you regard it as arrogance. But in all this time, you still haven't learned how to impart instead of lord over and that doesn't win you many friends. The labs are crazy about you, but only for solo projects. I'm afraid that is just the way it is, Ed."

"I'm good," Ed grated out, "I'm the best they could ever get," and he literally shook. "Fuck you, fuck you Roy Mustang," and he spun again and charged down the walk, made a sharp right and then broke into a run up the street.

What could Roy do but let him go? Ed was a grown man now.

***

Roy awoke to a pounding on his door. He tried to see what time it was, but couldn't make out the clock hands in the darkness. He sat up and swung his legs off the bed and sat there with his eyes closed trying to will the pounding away. He got up, fumbled for a glove out of habit and staggered down the entry way to the door. He snatched the door open before the next pound and groped for the light switch and squinted out into the darkness.

"Your problems delivered," Ed snarled. "Let me in, I have to pee."

Roy stood back and Ed shoved by him, he heard his boots on the hall floor and the slamming of the bathroom door. Roy stood there for a few moments before realizing he could shut the door and wait for Ed in the living room. So he shuffled off to there and sat on the couch.

He could hear Ed, coming back down the hall and tromping into the living room. He heard Ed sit down on the other end of the couch and he figured it might be good to pry his eyes open and try to pay attention.

"Ok, listen up, I'm only going to say this once. Yes, I want you to pay attention to me. Yes, I was jealous because I thought you liked Al better than me. Yes, I'm being a total jerk to Al and you and everyone who matters to me and I don't know why. Yes, Al threw me out but I could probably go back now and patch things up with no hard feelings. So, there, you have the whole thing. I came clean. Are you still awake?"

"Yes," Roy said, "but my eyelids refuse to obey my commands."

"Good," Ed said, "so we're all on the same page now."

"So why did you come here first? I would have though you'd go to Al and patch things up," Roy asked.

"Well you were the one telling me what an incredible fuck-up I've been of late and I thought you'd want the satisfaction of hearing me say you were right," Ed said wryly, "I know how much you love to hear that."

"You're right, I do," Roy grinned, eyes still closed.

Ed leaned back into the couch and sighed.

"Besides, I didn't want to wake Al up at 2 in the morning, that'd be a shitty thing to do," Ed said and yawned.

"No doubt," Roy mumbled and got to his feet. "You know where the spare blanket and pillows are, I'm going back to bed."

"Yeah, and hey, when are you going to let me take you out?" Ed said, and Roy stopped and half turned back to him, forcing his eyes open.

"I want to ask you something," Roy said, "because I think I'm interpreting something wrong. Every time you come over here you ask me that same question... are you asking me out on a date?"

"Well yeah," Ed said, "what are you? Slow?"

"You know what? You can take me out, tomorrow night, you, me, a few beers... I think I deserve it," Roy said, turning away and heading for the bedroom.

"You think you deserve me?" Ed called to him as he walked way. "I think you're right, because you, Roy Mustang, must be a fucking saint!" And Ed laughed and Roy heard him get up and head for the hall closet where the spare linens were kept.

"I will be after tomorrow night, I'm sure," Roy muttered to himself, going into his bedroom and shutting the door.


	2. Veracity

When Roy opened the door, he blinked in surprise to see Ed there. Ed there and cleaned up no less, or or cleaned up as Edward got these days.

"What are you doing here now? I thought you were going to patch things up with Al," Roy said, taking a sip of coffee from the mug he was carrying.

"You total bastard," Ed hissed, "we're going out tonight...remember? You said I owe you beer, I'm here to make good on my debt!"

"...OH, oh right, well alright, let me get a jacket and put on some shoes," Roy said, standing back to let Ed could come in, "shouldn't take but a minute."

"How could you fucking forget?" Ed called down the hall after him, "I mean fuck's sake, you're going out with _me_."

Roy got a jacket, Roy got his shoes, Roy came into the living room and sat on the couch to put on his shoes. Roy went to get his wallet.

"You don't need that," Ed said, " _I'm_ taking _you_ out. What's so hard about this equation for you? We even talked about this just last night!"

"You never know," Roy said, tucking the wallet in his inner jacket pocket, "It's for just in case."

"Fine, whatever, we're wasting good drinking time, let's go," Ed went to open the door and stood there holding the knob. Roy stopped just behind him, and they both looked at each other.

"I'm holding the door," Ed said, lifting an eyebrow.

"I see that," Roy returned, "so go through it so we can go already."

"Are you a fucking brick?" Ed snarled, then he grabbed Roy by the arm and yanked him forward and shoved him through the door and came out behind him, slamming the door shut with a huff.

"You are really serious about this date thing," Roy mumbled. "Oh wait, I forgot to get my car keys, you didn't lock it did you?"

"You don't need them, we'll go on the bike," Ed said, gesturing down the walk to where his motorcycle sat, dripping oil serenely onto the paving stones of Roy's front walk.

Roy looked at Ed who grinned up at him, then watched Ed trot down the walk to his motorcycle, lift it up and kick the kick-stand up into place. Roy looked at the pair of them, noting that somehow motorcycle and owner had a certain kind of scruffy charm about them, but that didn't really mean he wanted to ride either of them.

"No, let's go in the car," Roy said, "I want to get where we're going alive."

"I'm a good driver, ask anyone! I've had this bike for years, not a scratch on it," Ed scowled. "Look, I got you Al's old helmet and everything. Come on, you'll enjoy it."

"No, that bike always looks like it might fall apart at any second," Roy said. "The car has air and a radio, let's just go in the car."

"Quit being such an old stuffed shirt military fuck," Ed said. "You know what your problem is? You've lost any sense of adventure you might have had when we beat all the bad guys. You know what? Not me, I'm still out there looking, I'm still ready for anything. I haven't become a blue uniformed door stop. I'm glad Al insisted that I get out when I did, look what I could have become," Ed made a gesture at Roy.

Roy turned around and went back into the house.

"OH FUCK, no wait, I'm sorry!" Ed put the kickstand down and trotted back up the walk. "Don't lock me out!"

Roy hadn't locked the door and Ed pushed his way in, stood wringing his hands in the foyer as Roy took his jacket off.

"Come ON, I'm sorry, look, just do this one time and I promise I'll ease up. I mean you won't even give me this one indulgence and I just want to see what it's like to go out with _the_ Roy Mustang who isn't my boss. I just want to go out with you _once_ and maybe have some fun. Come on, come on, what do you say? Listen, fuck, you see how much I want to do it? You got me begging, I fucking hate begging, but here I am _begging_ for you to go out. Just this once, then we never have to go out again if you don't want to. Let me take you out and thank you for being an incredible pain in your ass for these past few years."

Roy looked at him for a long, long moment and something in his face changed a little and he rolled his eyes and hitched his jacket back on.

"I don't know why I'm letting you talk me into this," Roy grumbled. "Someone needs to call you on the fact your an arrogant ass who thinks he can just insult people any way he damn well pleases and then apologize and it's all ok. I'm only enabling you."

"Al says the same thing, only he pinches really hard...not to give you any ideas," Ed slapped his hands together, rubbed them, "Uh...you want me to take you to eat first? I know we didn't talk about that, but I've sucked down enough of your groceries to owe you a steak dinner or two."

Roy's eyebrows raised in surprise and he nodded.

"I'd really like that, see, now you are doing it right," and he came to follow Ed back out the door.

"It is not my fault when people interpret my actions the wrong way," Ed said loftily, heading for the motorcycle again. "I make every gesture with the best of intentions. Some people are just too sensitive. Like all of Al's girlfriends; I mean, would you get offended if I told you to go the hell home once in a while Al doesn't need you to babysit him? I mean, would you?" Ed bend down to unhook the spare helmet from where it was attached to the motorcycle.

"Well _I_ wouldn't, but I don't intend to be hanging out with Al, seeing as I'm not dating him," Roy said, watching, wondering when it was decided they _were_ going on the motorcycle. "Did you talk to Al about this before you mentioned it to the girl?"

"No," Ed said in a way that suggested to Roy that this was some sort of ridiculous observation, "why would Al have a problem with it? Well ok, so that's what I told myself,but you know what? Women get to Al; they get in his brain," Ed tapped his temple, "so y'know, this one bitch told Al about what I said, and yeah, Al got a little pissed off. Well ok a lot pissed off, but fuck, I mean Al can get laid whenever he wants to, he certainly didn't need that bitch hanging out at all hours of the day and night."

"You never brought home any girls?" Roy asked, taking the helmet when it was offered.

"The tramps I hang out with?" Ed waved his hand, "Why would I want any of them to know where _I_ live?"

"Ah Ed," Roy sighed and put the helmet on, accepting defeat. "You've grown up beautifully. So, you're manically jealous of your brother's attention. Not jealous of the women he's dating, but jealous of Al, himself, is that what I'm hearing?"

"Don't start psycho analyzing me when we're going out, ok?" Ed growled. "Look, I'm the first to admit I'm fucked in the head and yeah, I have _issues_ when it comes to Al, do you blame me? So let's just go out and you can rip apart my psyche later, ok?"

"Well I'm very impressed," Roy said, hands on hips. "That was really reasonable of you, I'm not sure what to make of that, I think I'll have to do as you suggest. Your negotiating skills are getting top notch."

"I don't take shit," Ed said proudly and straddled the bike, holding it for Roy to climb on.

**

The dive they ended up at, _(alive much to Roy's surprise)_ , was a somewhat nicer dive than the one Roy had found Ed at that night he decided to forgo his sanity and check up on Ed. It was in a reasonable part of town. The front wasn't littered with trash or had windows that were boarded up. Roy was in a good mood, full of good steak, _(at the very least, Ed's choice of steak houses was top notch)_ , and ready for a couple of beers to finish off the evening. Ed led the way, holding open the door again and Roy decided to let Ed play date with him for the rest of the night if that is what Ed really wanted to do.

The inside of the bar was tolerable. The tables where orderly and pretty clean, the clientel looked better dressed and there wasn't indescribable music crumbling the speakers it was playing from. Ed found them a good place at the bar and Roy sat down, looking around. He caught Ed smiling at him.

"It's ok," he said and gave Ed a wink just to see him grin.

Ed was pretty cute when he grinned.

Ed climbed up on the stool beside Roy, rapped his metal knuckles on the bar and held up two fingers when the bartender looked his way.

"You come here often?" Roy asked, easing his jacket off his shoulders and letting it puddle between his lower back and the back of the bar stool.

"Yeah," Ed said nodding, "when I've decided that I can be an descent human and not a fuckwad my brother throws out on the streets," Ed gave a helpless shrug. "I guess you could say my taste in bars reflects my moods."

The bartender came down with two large mugs, sat them and a bowl of snacky looking things in front of them.

"Hey Ed," the man said, "haven't seen you in a couple of weeks. Everyone has been asking about you."

"Hey Larry, this is Roy," Ed jerked pointed with his thumb, and Larry and Roy nodded at each other. "Just been busy, you know how it is," Ed shrugged and pulled a mug over to him.

"Carla and Darla have been looking for you, look out," Larry winked then, then turned to wait on another customer at the bar.

Ed looked sidelong at Roy who was investigating the snack bowl and picking out all the good stuff. It wasn't until the first mug was gone and there was a rap of the knuckles for another round that they got around to speaking.

"So, you still think you can scare up some work for my slack and/or lame ass? I give you the and/or because my ass seems to reflect Al's moods. Elrics, huh? Bars and asses, " Ed was now rummaging the snack bowl, but Roy had gotten all the cashews and peanuts out already.

"Edward, you know just about anything you want to contract out of the military labs is yours," Roy said, finishing off the rest of his mug. "You don't even need my help to get a job, I know the private sector would weep tears of uncomprehending joy if you so much as even looked in their direction. Funny thing about how badly you wanted out of your contract and yet you won't really go away."

"I'm ruined," Ed said, "that's what it is. The military brain washed me at the tender age of twelve and made me think I need their guidance. Besides, how else am I suppose to make you look good if I go find my own glory work? Al and I fit into that mystique you keep oozing in hopes of taking over the world one day. Oh, did I say the world? Amestris with do for now."

"When I so take over, your sorry ass is working off all this aggression in the mines," Roy said. "Note I like to use the term 'sorry' when referring to your ass. I don't think your ass holds any sway with me? Disappointed?"

"Well yeah," Ed said, "considering I was planning on you having your mouth and hands all over it later, fuck, what did I buy you steak for?" Ed questioned.

"Do you realize that just by suggesting we'd have sex you're riding the ragged edge of disaster?" Roy said, gripping the handle of his beer mug. "We don't want to knock the globe out of alignment or anything," Roy took a drink.

"You don't get this, do you? I _need_ to have sex with you. It's my weird-ass way of bonding with you or something. All I do lately is think about having sex with you. Why is that so strange? Fuck, my entire childhood all I heard was what a sex god you were. All Havoc did was moan about your steady parade of women. Why shouldn't I want a piece of that?" Ed said.

"You mentioned your childhood and sex in the same sentence, _that_ is what is strange," Roy said, staring into his beer. He looked over at Ed then. "It's not that I'm extremely opposed, but Ed, I don't know if I'm doing you any favors here. You're just looking for the next thing, I don't want to be a thing. Ah, you know, nothing is easy with you ever, is it? I just don't think I should be having sex with you so you can burn some bizarre crush out of your system. You're right, you do have a lot of issues, this being one of them."

"No, no, no, don't help me, don't save me, that's not what this is about," Ed moaned. "Save me later, when I'm not horny anymore."

Roy's eye caught movement and he looked up in time to see a very lovely girl making a bee-line right for them. She got right up to them then balled up her fist and punched Ed squarely in the left shoulder.

"OW," Ed wailed, "Fuck, don't do that, dammit Darla, what'd I do?"

"Yeah, there you go ass-wipe, where the hell you been for two weeks? The way you act always make me think you're dead on the side of the road somewhere," she snarled. "How about a little note the next time you head out of town. You know, you don't come in to a place almost every day for months then do a disappearing act. I thought we were _friends_. Wait until Carla gets here, you'll get some more." Then the lovely young woman went behind the bar to stash what looked like school books and get an apron off a hook.

Roy leaned toward Ed and whispered, "Introduce me."

Ed turned his head and snorted angrily. "Like fuck I will, you're here with _me_ and old enough to be her father."

It was then Ed got swiped across the side of the head with what looked like a canvas bag. Both he and Roy started and stared at another lovely young woman who was the very image of the other young woman glaring at them from behind the bar.

"Yeah, thanks for ditching me, fuck-head," this new girl snarled. "I managed to make a B on my advanced chemistry mid-term on my own, thanks for nothing!"

"Oh, oh fuck, Carla," Ed said. "Look, I'm sorry, I was having some family shit and I honestly forgot but you got a B, I'm proud of you..." he cut off when the canvas bag hit him square on in the face.

"Could've been an A," she growled, storming behind the bar as well.

"I don't want to sit with you," Roy said, "they won't talk to me if I sit with you."

"You don't want anything to do with the doom-twins anyways," Ed said, rubbing his face. "They're studying to be chemists and one of them wants to be an alchemist. I'm trying to talk her out of it."

"Oh, female alchemists," Roy said glumly.

"Yeah," Ed said. "They won't look at us twice."

"So Edward, do you mean to tell me you come into this bar almost every night and do nothing but help a pair of...amazing young twin women...study for college?" Roy put his elbow on the bar and leaned his chin into his hand.

"Oh, I drink, too," Ed said quickly. "And I talk shit with Larry and sometimes I mediate fights. I'm not just coming in here because I want to make sure Darla and Carla get into advanced placement in college or anything like that. I'm sure they can do that just fine without my sorry ass," Ed said. "I copped your term."

One of them, Roy thought it might be Darla, brought over a fresh bowl of snacks and eyed Roy up and down. She folded her arms on the bar and leaned there.

"So, you know him or you dating him?" she asked with a nod at Ed.

"I know him," Roy said, "He wants me to date him, but I'm not to sure about that," Roy took another drink of his beer.

"I have advice for you, don't date him," the girl said, with a wave of her hand. "He's the biggest dork you'll ever met. He acts real tough, but..." she blew a raspberry. "Total wuss."

"Hey," Ed groused, "don't be talking me down to my piece tonight."

The other girl came over to horn in on the conversation.

"He looks like he's a convenient height and his mouth is sure big enough, but he'd probably just end up biting it off," she said with a wicked grin.

"Is Ed known for dating a lot of men," Roy said, crossing his legs and leaning back on his bar stool. "Because, you know, I'm not sure I wouldn't just be another conquest."

"The fuck?! Carla, shit like that shouldn't come out of your mouth in the first place," Ed said, "and you," he pointed at Darla, "I'm the smartest dork you'll ever meet."

"Well, that's true enough," she said and shrugged, then she smiled at Roy in a way that made Roy feel 10 years younger and 10 pounds lighter. "Are you really thinking about dating him? I mean, a good looking man like you shouldn't have to settle."

"Quit hitting on him!" Ed snarled, "Can't I ever have a date in peace in this place?"

"Well I don't know, you usually treat anyone you bring in here pretty shitty, you know the world isn't here to provide you with ass, do you even know his name?" Carla said.

"Because if you don't know his name, I got dibs," Darla said. "This one is to good for you and I'd like a shot."

"His name is ROY," Ed said loudly, "and would you quit jamming the ego pump in?! It was hard enough to get him to go out with me in the first place!"

"How did you do it?" Carla asked, "Drug him and tie him to the back of that shit tank you call a bike?"

"Why aren't you working? Shouldn't you be working? Does Larry pay you to stand around and abuse me? I don't think so," Ed bared his teeth. "See if I tell you anything about anything ever again, graduate with honors on your own!"

The two girls high fived each other, then swatted each other on the ass and Roy shifted on his bar stool and looked at Ed.

"Let's date them and not each other," he said, then winced when Ed punched him in the shoulder.

"I'm dating you and that is final, NO, you don't get a say, so shut up and take it. Oh, and put out tonight, I'm really counting on that," Ed said.

"I think sex is a bad idea, I think it's just going to complicate things that are already complicated enough," Roy said, finishing off his mug and signaling for another.

"I think that's bullshit," Ed said, killing his own mug in order to keep up. "What's so complicated about it? You get naked, there is some touching and rubbing and licking, and then you know, all that exercise is good for you. I see it as a win-win myself, orgasm AND work out."

"I'm not sure I want to have sex with someone how masquerades regularly as a sane human being," Roy said. "For one thing, your neurotic jealousy is worrisome and why should I want that transfered onto me? I see what it's doing to Al already."

"I'm not fucking neurotic, fuck! I took care of Al for so long, it's just hard to let go and I don't like it when some fucking girl that's known him for two weeks thinks she knows better than me what Al needs," Ed hissed. "You tell me I'm wrong, go on."

"Your need for attention is so great that you are diverting to me now that Al is finally putting his foot down and having an outside relationship. And when you don't get the attention you think you deserve? You get pretty rough and upset," Roy said, accepting another mug of beer. "I want to help you Ed, I do. And I care about you, I do. But I just don't think sex with me is what you actually want, I think you think you have to have sex with me to keep my attention, and that's not true."

"This is suppose to be a date," Ed said, voice sounding strained, "we agreed not to talk about this."

"You're right," Roy said, "my apologies. Tell me more about this secret double life you lead where you want everyone to think you're some bad-ass biker, but you volunteer your time to help young women study for college."

"I really want to be a bad-ass biker," Ed said with a half smile, "but I just can't help myself."

Roy put his arm around Ed's shoulder then and gave him a friendly squeeze.

**

Roy let Ed into the house when they finally went home.

"You can stay tonight," Roy offered, "but you can stay out here on the couch."

"What? No, come on Roy, we're adults," Ed scrubbed at his face. "I just...I just want to, y'know, look, what can I say to make you change your mind? I don't want to sleep on the couch, fuck, don't do this."

"Do what? We're not on the 'date' anymore," Roy said, "now I can save you. I'm not going to sleep with you Edward, that's just final. I don't understand why you feel that is what you have to have, but I'm afraid it's just not going to happen. Sorry, now are you staying or going home?"

"Home? Home to what?" Ed sneered. "Al probably won't even be there. He's out all the time now and he's already talking about when he starts that project, you know the one _you_ got for him, that he might be moving closer to the job site. You know, he said it in a way like he doesn't want me to come. He talked about me keeping this apartment. What the hell? He doesn't want me around him anymore, is that it? Why doesn't he come out and say so? And this, and _you_. You want to fuck me, I've seen you looking at me. You want to fuck anything that moves. I don't get it! What am I doing wrong? Why is everything like this, what the fuck is wrong with me that no one wants to be around me anymore?!"

"Well it could be that you've been an utter asshole lately," Roy said, "that tends to make people shy away, don't you think?"

"It's the only way to get any of you to pay attention!" Ed half screamed and curled his hands into fists. "What do you want me to do?! What do you want me to do?! Why does Al have to do this to me? Why do you have to do this to me?! Maybe I'm not ready for this, maybe I don't want to be abandoned just because I grew up! What the fuck is wrong with you people?!"

"Ed, no one is doing this _to_ you," Roy said, trying not to raise his voice. "I don't understand why Al moving on with his life is causing you this much stress. He's not leaving you, he's living the life you worked so hard to secure for him. That should make you happy, not terrified. And me, where do you think I'm going? How have you gotten the impression everyone is leaving you behind? Ed, you have to realize, time didn't stand still when you lost your childhood and went to get it back. As cruel as it is, time moves on despite you wanting to get back everything you had to give up. It just moved on, like it's doing now."

Ed was taking deep breaths, trying to regain some control of himself, he kept flexing his hands. He looked away from Roy and shut his eyes.

"What have I done to shake your faith in me?" Roy asked evenly. "What have I done to make you think there is no room for you in my life? I thought by now you would trust me. I thought you had learned to trust that people aren't going to just leave you. After everything you went through, and we're all still here. We're still here, Ed."

"I hate feeling like this," Ed said, sounding strangled.

"I know," Roy said quietly.

"I hate you for knowing all of this," Ed said, "for being so fucking reasonable. Why the fuck don't you scream at me? I hate it when you talk to me like this."

"Like an adult?" Roy said, "But Ed, you're an adult now, even if you're not ready."

"I hate that, too," Ed said sounding lost.

"You stay here tonight," Roy said, going to fetch pillows and blankets himself. "You're in no condition to be flying around the streets on that piece of shit you call a motorcycle."

"It's an antique," Ed mumbled, he watched Roy make up the couch for him.

"Go on, get some sleep," Roy said. "You'll be more awake in the morning and if you need to talk about this some more, we will."

Roy retreated to his own room but couldn't take his own advice. He lay there staring at the ceiling for a very long time. He heard the creak of his bedroom door and didn't move, he felt the movement of weight on the bed and still he didn't move. He felt the pressure against his side where Ed's forehead touched him as he curled up to sleep and still he didn't move.

It was ok, just this once he supposed, but only because Ed looked so sad when he left him there to sleep on the couch. He lay his hand on Ed's head, fingers rubbed lightly at Ed's temple and he heard Ed sigh softly, as if in relief.

And he was finally able to sleep, too.


	3. Unreserved

The phone call had him clear his schedule. He requested privacy and silence and it was granted because he had the rank to back it up and the people who would make sure it happened. Alphonse Elric was shown into his office that afternoon. Tea had been set and the door was closed after him. Al stood with his coat over his arm and he and the General surveyed each other across the floor of his office.

Roy got up, came around his desk, extended his hand. Alphonse shook it and they both adjourned to the table set for their comfort and sat down. The general poured and Al lay his coat over his lap and for a bit they got their tea to the perfect discussion temperature.

"I start my assignment in a little more than three weeks," Al opened up with. "I'm heading south this weekend to look for a good place to rent."

"I see, so you decided to live in South City, I think that is an excellent decision," the general said, eying the shortbread cookies, knowing he shouldn't.

"I haven't seen Ed since I told him this yesterday morning," Al said, and sipped his tea. "Have you heard anything from him?"

"I haven't, but that doesn't mean I won't," the general said, giving in and pulling the shortbread plate closer. "How has it been with the two of you lately? I've only heard from him once since the last time he stayed over at my place and he was so drunk I couldn't properly understand him."

"Not good," Al said with a sign, sitting his tea cup on the table. "Not good at all. General...Roy, I don't know what to do, I really think I'm getting at the short end of my rope. Everything I try backfires in my face and he's just _resentful_ and I try so hard to talk to him and it's like he's so afraid to say anything to me about how he really feels. Does he think I don't know? You know, I think sometimes that it's bad I got this body back," Al's voice dropped to a whisper. "All that time, everything that happened did something to my brother and I just want to fix it, and it's not about the automail. I think maybe sometimes I shouldn't take this project, I should stay with him," Al's eyes got a little wet, "but that's not going to help him is it? Or is that my own, selfish justification because I want some freedom and I want this project. I love him so much, why can't he see that? Was this something I've done? Is this my punishment for my part of our sin?"

The general offered his pocket handkerchief without comment on it, then leaned back in his chair, crossed his legs, rested his elbows on the arm rests and laced his fingers together before him.

"You and he both are so hung up on forgiveness, but from whom I wonder?" the general said with a sigh. "Alphonse, was not your whole journey based on this very moment? Having a life again? I think you are fulfilling everything your brother strived and bled for, I think it would be the saddest of moments in either of your lives if you just gave up now."

Al seemed to hunch into himself, then he bowed his head and the general was quiet so that the young man could collect himself.

"I shouldn't have to ask for help," Al said, not looking at Roy, "I should be able to handle my own brother. We shared everything, we've lived everything. How can someone who is part of my soul be such a stranger now? How?" Al covered his mouth with his hand.

"It's alright, Al," Roy said quietly, "I haven't seen you boys this far to turn my back on you now. You go and live your life, and someway, somehow, between the two of us, we'll help Ed find his. Alright? It's going to be ok. You just go this weekend and find a place to live, Ed will turn up, I'll be here."

It took a few minutes before Al was composed enough to think about leaving. He stood and Roy stood, Roy escorted him to the door and rubbed his back. It was easy to see how difficult this was on Al, and it was ironic to think of the two of them, Al was infinitely stronger.

"Thank you General," Al said, voice a bit hoarse, "I'll call you when I get back to let you know how it went."

"Good luck, Alphonse," Roy said and watched him walk off down the hallway.

**

Not a peep.

Roy had listened to Al's voice on the phone the morning he left and heard the pain lacing it. Damn Edward and this insane need to disappear when he couldn't cope. So Roy, in a fit of anger, sent out feelers. He had some of the men stop by in Ed's known dives, watch the apartment, hell, even watch his own house. But when Ed wanted to be invisible, it seemed like he could do a damn fine job.

He was caught between the need to shake Ed so hard his teeth would rattle and consult a psychiatrist to see if Ed was certifiable. It was Riza who brought him the news, thrusting a paper at him from her straight backed post in front of his desk.

"We've found Edward," she said in clipped tones.

Roy took the paper and scanned it quickly, then looked up at Riza, then down at the paper again.

"Do we have enough in petty cash to cover his bond?" Roy asked resignedly. "I know Alphonse will pay us back when he comes back in town."

Riza thrust and envelope at him then, because she was always a step ahead, no she was always twenty steps ahead.

"Why do I have to go bail him out?" Roy almost whined.

"I think it was mentioned you're the only one insane enough to want to bail him out," she said smoothly.

It was a good point, maybe Roy should consult a psychiatrist about them _both_.

**

Edward didn't even have the decency to be locked up within a reasonable distance.

It took two hours of travel by car one way just to get to there. As Roy drove into the town he noticed a gaping hole in a line of small buildings leading toward it's center. It looked like a giant had dropped his dentures and one of the false teeth had popped free. Roy could see why this town would not only want to club Edward to death, but also be more than happy to fob him off on the first person who showed up to ask after him. He pulled up outside the police station, got out, made sure his uniform was straight and his rank was evident and marched up the steps and into the building with the air of a man who knew what he was doing, _(when he knew good and well he wasn't)_.

The policemen there eyed him warily and a superior was fetched. The man checked over Roy's credentials, made a phone call, shuffled some paperwork and finally relented. Roy handed over the bail and in return was given what looked like a heavy mailing tube, it had some weight to it and Roy looked around for somewhere to sit. He sat in a wooden chair near the entrance as Ed was supposedly fetched and picked at the tape holding the plastic cover of the tube shut at one end. He got it peeled off and used his fingernails to pry the lid open and peer inside.

His mouth was dry for a moment and he turned the tube absently as he sat there with it propped between his legs.

He'd never seen Ed's automail arm without Ed attached to it before.

It was creepy in a way, to be sitting there, holding part of a person in a tube. Removable, disposable, fixable, mechanical; these were not terms that should be associated with the human body. But here the evidence sat, in dull and marred metal in a heavy cardboard tube while it's owner sat behind heavy iron bars.

He poked his hand in, his fingers brushed one of the metal fingers and it bent suddenly and Roy jerked his hand back, tell himself that rationally there was no way this could move on it's own. He hated this, he didn't like to see this, this was _unnatural_ and it should be attached to Ed. It was an intrinsic part of Ed and on it's own it was just a horror.

Roy looked up as he heard shuffling down the hall and then two policeman appeared with Ed between them. His arm was behind his back because his remaining wrist was cuffed to a belt around his waist. He was still in jail uniform and his hair was unbound and mostly in his face. But when he lifted his head and saw Roy there he went absolutely bloodless. The two officers were surprised when Ed turned abruptly and tried to push them before him back down the hallway. There was some scuffling and grunts and Ed was dragged every inch of the way and made to stand there before Roy, panting and silent.

Roy stood slowly, looked Ed up and down once like he were a blond bug and nodded to the two officers.

"Where are his clothes?" Roy asked and one of the officers pulled a brown paper wrapped package from under his arm and offered it to Roy.

"Any reason why he wasn't allowed to change before you brought him out here?" Roy asked again. Roy might be able to treat Ed like an insect, but no small town cop with a grudge about the only good bar in town being transmuted into nothing did.

"He's combative," one of the officers said, "We're afraid to club him anymore, we might damage him," but the way he said it made it sound like he wished he'd been allowed to damage Ed.

Roy wasn't sure he could blame them.

"You can release him," Roy said, indicating the belt and cuff, "I'll take full responsibility. Where can he get changed?"

The two officers exchanged a glance, but one pulled keys from his pocket and the other nodded toward a set of dark brown doors on the other side of the room.

"You can use that men's room," the officer said, "just give a shout if he tries anything," the officer was still looking for his chance to damage Ed it seemed.

Ed yanked his hand around when it was released and tried to push his bangs up out of his eyes. Roy hefted the tube and indicated with the package containing Ed's clothes about which way Ed should be going. Ed said nothing, but went where he was herded and stood in the flickering flourscent light of the men's bathroom as Roy propped the tube up against the wall and started to unwrap his clothes.

"Is that my arm?" Ed said hoarsely, finally breaking his silence.

"Yes," Roy said, shaking out Ed's shirt and unballing his socks. "They forgot to give me your boots," Roy grumbled.

Ed pulled at the prison top, craning his head to see his port. He poked his fingers into the hole and Roy pointedly busied himself with shaking out Ed's pants. How the hell was he suppose to put an _arm_ back on?

"I think the fuckers ripped some of my wiring when they yanked it out," Ed said again, voice still gravely. "I sure hope not, fuck, I hate outside mechanics but no way in hell will I tell Winry how this happened."

"Oh, so you DO have some sense of propriety," Roy grated out, "so nice to hear you'll spare some of us your behavior."

"Look, I didn't ask you to come and get me, now did I?" Ed snarled back. "If I were you, I would have just left me the hell in there."

"Oh, leave you for Al to deal with, is that it? For Al to come home, find you in jail, deal with getting you out and dealing with all your passive aggressive bullshit while you try to make this decision as hard on him as you possibly can," Roy said, offering Ed his shirt.

"Shut up, shut the fuck up, no one asked you for your fucking opinion," Ed said, snatching the shirt from Roy's hand. "I'm not Al's responsibility, I told him that! Fuck, I don't need no fucking babysitter in a blue uniform either. I'm an adult now, remember, I can handle my own fucking messes!"

Roy watched Ed grip his shirt in his teeth and work the prison shirt off over his head. He threw it at the floor, then got his own shirt on and glared at Roy. Roy threw his pants in his face and Ed stumbled back, but then turned his back to work the prison pants off and get his own pants on. Roy hefted the tube and stuffed Ed's socks in the opened end.

"We'll get your boots on the way out, you can just go barefoot, come on," Roy said, slamming out the men's room door. Ed came after him at a half trot.

"What about my arm?" Ed said as they went toward the main desk.

"Earn it back," Roy tossed over his shoulder. But the mistake had been realized and Ed's boots were waiting on them when they came up. Roy grabbed the sack and turned, walking past Ed toward the doors leading out and Ed wheeled around to follow him.

Roy made a show of opening up his trunk, tossing the tube in and slamming it shut. Ed just stood and stared at him. Then he gaped at him as Roy came over, grabbed him by his flesh arm and stuffed him into the passenger side of the vehicle.

"You...you can't keep my arm from me," Ed said as Roy climbed in and pulled the driver's door shut. "You can't do that. It's my _arm_ dickhead, I need it!"

"Really?" Roy said, cranking the car. "What do you need it for? You going to _do_ anything with it? You seemed to want to stay here without it, so what does it matter if I have it instead of the police chief? That arm is a luxury, not a necessity. You just think you need it, like you think you need someone to mop up your messes. Like you think you need Al to stagnate right along beside you. If you're so set on scrapping the bottom of humanity's barrel, then why take that automail that some young woman made you out of _love_ along with you? It is patently obvious that you think you just don't deserve it, so I might as well find someone who does." Roy put the car in reverse and looked around before backing up.

"Quit talking about Al," Ed screeched. "Don't you fucking lecture me about Al! You can't keep my arm, it's illegal! It's MY arm! You know what I'll do with it? I'll knock your fucking head in with it! I don't even need it to do that! Leave me the fuck alone! I don't need your fucking help! Stop talking about Al, damn you damn you, who needs this?!"

Roy reached over and slapped Ed in the back of the head. Ed gasped and jerked forward, almost hitting his forehead on the dash and Roy rolled his shoulders and gripped the steering wheel with both hands again. There was silence for a while.

"You're going to give it back," Ed finally said, "you wouldn't keep it." He risked a glance at Roy.

"I hear a bug buzzing," Roy said. "It keeps talking but it makes no sense. I would think, if it wants to be heard, it might talk about gratitude and apologies. I really think that the bug needs to get it's priorities straight because the bug is being a self-centered prick. Bugs who are self-centered pricks get swatted, as was demonstrated."

"Bugs can't talk," Ed spat, then went silent again. The first hour of the ride remained so; Roy looking straight ahead and Ed looking out the side window.

"Did Al call you or something?" Ed asked, opening the second hour. "How did you even know I was here?"

"He came to see me," Roy said, also tired of the silence. "And yet again you underestimate my powers of knowing all there is to be known."

"Do you know why I'm such a self-centered prick?" Ed asked quietly. "I'd really like to know myself."

"I'm not sure," Roy admitted, "but you're a genius and I'm almost one. Between the two of us, we're going to figure that out."

"Ok," Ed said, sounding tired, sounding worn. "I'm sorry. Thanks for...not leaving it for Al to deal with."

"I'll tell Al he's welcome when I see him again," Roy said.

**

Upon arrival at the house, Roy unlocked the trunk and removed the tube. He then carried it into the house with Ed trailing along behind him. He opened the hall closet and set the tube inside it, leaning it into the far back corner.

Ed stood staring at the closet after Roy shut the door, but he didn't move to open it. Finally he shuffled into the living room and dropped onto the couch. Roy came in and sat a glass of water down on the end table next to him and a plate of cold left over chops. Ed looked at it for a moment, then he just fell over on the couch. He wrapped his arm around himself, gripping the edge of his visible port.

Roy sat down in his chair and toed off his shoes. He laid his head back for a moment and closed his eyes.

"Tired of it yet?" he asked the couch's occupant. "Tired of running for the cliff's edge at full speed? Tired of dragging us all with you?"

"All you have to do is let go," came Ed's voice from across the room. "Just let go. Just let me crash and burn, why do you care so much?" His voice quivered. "I wasn't suppose to make it this long, I wasn't suppose to come this far. See? I'm a freak of nature, I'm bucking the system. The world knows natural order, it's only trying to put right it's mistake."

"Maybe the world put me in your path so you wouldn't be the mistake," Roy said, opening his eyes and regarding the ceiling, "or maybe the world has it out for me, I haven't figured it out yet."

"I just wish it would all stop," Ed said, muffled into the couch. "I just wish it would all go the fuck away and leave me alone. I hate this, I hate you, I just hate everything."

"You are to old for the 'no-one-understands-me' age, Edward," Roy sighed.

"FUCK YOU, I can be any fucking stage I want because I didn't get a fucking stage, ok? I didn't ask to be here, you can give me my fucking arm and I'll get out of your damn hair, ok?! Just fuck off!"

"I am really interested in knowing why you think it's alright to treat people the way you treat them. I'm serious, you seem to have no differential between people, with the exception of Al, but I think he's the exception to your rules," Roy laced his fingers and kept studying the ceiling. "I wonder just what your rules are?"

"You're not even listening to me! Why the fuck should I be here, what fucking business is it of yours?! I just want you to leave me the hell alone!" Ed shouted, the shoved himself back into a sitting position, the side of his face showed the lines of the fabric in the couch and his hair was flat on one side now.

Roy pointed behind him toward the arched entrance and foyer beyond.

"There's the door, you are free to walk out of it at any time," Roy said, not raising his voice. "Just get up and walk on over, turn the knob, open the door and step out into the world. Oh don't worry, Al will waste all his good opportunities picking you up and brushing you off every time you feel you're not being given your proper due from him or the world in general. Go right ahead."

Ed got to his feet, half rushed Roy, slamming into him. The chair tilted back but thankfully didn't fall over and Roy managed to shove Ed off of himself and Ed stumbled back and landed on his ass on the floor in front of Roy.

"Why do you keep bringing up Al," Ed choked, "don't bring him up, it has nothing to do with him! It's about me and what a total useless, worthless fuck up I am! Al's perfect, he's going to be happy, keep his name out of your fucking mouth!"

"You know, someone has to think about him, seeing as how you don't. You're a self entitled whining brat sitting here on my floor feeling sorry for yourself. Ed, why do you want so desperately to push us all away? Why is it you try so very hard to alienate me? Do you want me to leave you to your own devices? Is that it? You go out of your way to catch my attention then you do your damnedest to push me back. I want to know _why_?"

"Don't delude yourself thinking I need you or some shit like that," Ed hissed. "I don't need to be anyone's fucking charity case. I don't want your pity. Maybe I'm pushing you away because you're so fucking nosy you got to be in my business all the time. It's not my fault, what, you feel responsible? I'm not a relative of yours, I'm not your problem. Neither is Al, I take care of Al," but he sounded more uncertain now, his voice faded a bit.

"So you're saying, because I'm not a relation of yours, I don't care about you. So to you, the only people who can care about each other are those who share blood. Me, Colonel Hawkeye, Havoc...those relationships are superficial. They don't mean anything because, according to the rules of Edward Elric, only family members can care for each other," Roy said.

"N...no, stop twisting what I'm saying," Ed said, "that's not what I mean!"

Roy spread his hands.

"That seems to be the gist of your whole tirade. That I'm only nosy and condescending to you with pity because I couldn't possibly care about you," Roy said.

"But...but you don't! I came here, you know, I came here and I literally _begged_ you to be with me and you wouldn't, so you know, you don't want me. Why the fuck should you care what I do or where I'm at! You don't want me; you know if you cared about me or you wanted me or...I _offered_ and you said no!" Ed cried.

"Where the hell did you pick up on sex equates love?" Roy asked. "That concept is a very popular misconception, how did that get on your list of rules? I'm fairly certain I kept pretty close tabs on you until you were 21," Roy said.

"What? The fuck, you were spying on me, still? Even after I was out?" Ed gaped.

"And I don't really know of a relationship that would have taught you that misnomer," Roy mused.

"That doesn't matter! I just know that you know, you turned me down and I thought...well never mind what I thought, but you're a bastard so what do I care? Fine, so you care, big deal," Ed sniffed.

"Let's talk about Al," Roy said.

"NO," Ed shouted, "Let's NOT."

Roy leaned forward in his chair and Ed scooted back on his butt a bit until he hit the coffee table and could go no further.

"You see Al moving away as total abandonment. You see Al going on with his life as a betrayal. You see Al as your whole reason for being. Al is your entire support structure. You depend on Al in ways that children depend on their parents. You think it's unfair that Al _can_ pick up his life and move ahead and not waste away wishing for everything he missed but can't get back. If you can't trust Al you can't trust a single solitary soul on this planet, and you think, because Al has dared to stand up to you and move ahead, that you can't trust Al. It's shattering you, isn't it? Al not being dependant on you is rotting way your whole foundation, isn't it?"

"I will kill you in your sleep," Ed said, low and gravely. "Don't you open your fucking mouth again, don't you say another fucking word. I will _kill_ you, do you understand?"

"So, a rule on the Edward Elric list: If you can't trust Al, you can't trust anyone. Only, see, Al _isn't_ betraying you or your trust. Al is _living_ ; something you apparently are having a hard time doing. You can't keep a job, you won't seek a job. You want to portray yourself as a loner who can handle anything, but you run to bars where you surround yourself with people who need you, or rather you perceive as needing you. You like to be needed. Ah, another rule, and very important one! Edward Elric must be needed. Is that right? Let's combine that with something you said earlier. Edward Elric, when not _needed_ is a worthless, useless fuck up."

"You don't...you don't know _anything_ ," Ed got out, teeth gritted. "You think you're so smart and you know nothing. You're just as fucked up and useless and good for nothing...you are! I don't have to listen to this, I don't have to listen to you."

"You always have the option of leaving," Roy said with a shrug. "Alright, you know, you have a trial coming up, don't look so shocked. You were arrested for causing some huge fight and destroying a building. You're going to go to trial and need a lawyer, and you know, you're probably going to need some money to pay for all those damages. But wait, you don't have a job," Roy tapped his chin. "Now why is it one of the most brilliant minds of our time doesn't have steady, meaningful employment? He could be putting his vast talents to such good use, too. Ah ha! That loner image he wanted to foster. There is another rule and that rule goes: Edward Elric listens to no rules but his own."

"BULLSHIT, I worked under you for years! I was in the military!" Ed shrieked.

"Correction. You _used_ me for years on the military's dime and depended on me to keep you from getting court marshaled. Don't pull that card Ed, I was there, I _know_ what went on," Roy returned.

"If...if you knew I was using you then why didn't you stop me," Ed said. "You know, if you knew then you deserved it!"

"Edward, I know good and well our working relationship was a two way street. I know I used you, I planned on using you. I admit it freely; but you knew it, too. So I guess you deserved it," Roy shrugged again.

"I don't want to talk anymore, give me my arm," Ed said, not looking at him. "I want to go home."

"I think, in summation, we've learned quite a bit here. You can't function without Al, so you're bound and determined to sabotague him in any way possible to keep him from leaving. You think you are to good to work for someone because they can't possibly have rules that are reasonable. You use people but leave yourself open to being used in return and oh yes, you can't trust anyone. Do you think that's a fair summary?"

"Shut UP you CONDESCENDING FUCK HEAD," Ed screamed. "I LOVE my brother! I would never do anything to hurt him! I love him I LOVE HIM, I would never make him unhappy! I want him to be happy! I don't need him here to babysit me! I want him to have a good life and you can't tell me that I'm doing anything wrong to hurt him! I'M NOT I'M NOT! I can take care of myself and I don't need him or you or anyone! I saved him! ME! I did it! I made him so he can go and have his life and I gave up everything and I gave him everything and he will be happy and I'm not doing anything to him that makes him be unhappy..." Ed stopped to pant for breath. "Except I AM and I'm fucking useless and he doesn't need me anymore and you don't want me and I just...I just can't... if he leave me what am I then? I'm nothing, I'm not saving anyone, what's the point of me being here?" Ed fell over onto the floor. "What's the point of anything?"

"The final rule: Edward Elric is fundamentally unlovable. I think I might understand that one the most. I think I know why that is one of your rules. How can you be so brilliant and so stupid at the same time? What makes you think that once you saved Al he was done with you? What makes you think that once you resigned your commission I was done with you? Alphonse _loves_ you, he made that very clear to me in my office when he came to ask for my help. He needs you, and why you don't see that, I don't know. And me, have I ever pushed you aside? Oh, I know, I won't sleep with you. I won't take advantage of you in this bitter and vulnerable state you've worked yourself into, how horrible of me. Never mind I see you as a close friend and confidant. Edward, what has happened to your faith? Did it all fade away when Al's body was restored? Did you not need it anymore after that point? You are surrounded by people who love you _despite_ yourself, and yet, you'd rather live in your secluded and delusional little world where you can play 'oh pitiful me' to anyone who'll listen. Well the only one listening...is you."

And Edward Elric began to cry. Not loud wails and sobs, but just tears, rolling down his temples. He turned onto his side on Roy's floor and curled up and looked like he was wishing the world away. And Roy sat with him, because it was no time for him to be alone. And he watched Edward cry and once, or twice, he almost felt like crying himself.


	4. Undaunted

His rules had all been laid bare and Roy pointed out what a flawed human he actually was.

And here he thought he'd been tough and capable all these years, when in fact, he'd be lying to himself.

He lay there for a long time, he wasn't sure how long, until he heard Roy move. He could feel the presence over him, but he just curled up tighter, squeezing his eyes shut so hard he hoped he never had to open them again. He never had to see the faces of those around him as they watched what he'd become. He jerked when Roy's hand touched his shoulder, he growled when Roy pulled on him trying to get him to sit up. He kicked out his legs and tried to pull away but Roy had a good grip on his only arm and Roy half dragged, half slid him over to the couch.

"Don't do this," Roy said, "don't just lay there. This is not what you are, this is not who you are going to be; I won't let you. You've gone through worse, you've gone through hell, and this might feel like it, but it's nothing compared to what you've seen."

Roy grabbed him again, forced him up and pushed him back so he landed on the couch. He just glared up at him, heart to heavy, lungs to leaden to speak. And besides, what could he say?

 _You're right, I'm a failure at life, I'm dragging everything down. I'm hurting my brother, I'm a burden and a liability, I'm a waste of everything you've ever done for me._

Roy stood there, looking down at him; then Roy moved and sat down beside him, there on the couch. What was with this man? Didn't he know a lost cause? What did he want really? There had to be something; he wouldn't just do this; why did he chase after him? Why did Roy continually charge to his rescue? What had he ever done to deserve it?

"So, Fullmetal," the bastard colonel, no _general_ said, "is this the best you can do?"

"My name," Ed snarled, hoarse and raw, "is _Edward_. Nobody uses that title anymore, that's not me, that's not who I am, I can never be that again."

"Really? I don't think you ever moved past it," Roy said, crossing his knees and looking for all the world like they were discussing the weather, "I seem to remember once, off handedly you saying you never planned your life past restoring Al. I think you were more serious than I took you for; I think you sincerely are waiting for the other shoe to fall. I think you're too afraid to live now."

"Well I am living, and apparently not doing a good enough job for any of you," Ed said, remaining slouched where he'd fallen. "I don't know what you want from me."

"I want you to quit being a dick, actually," Roy said, "and I want you to follow some of your own advice. I want you to start moving forward."

"Move forward to WHAT? What do I move forward to?! Being another fucking has been? Another faded child star who burnt the fuck out?" Ed shouted.

"I'd settle for you just begin halfway sane," Roy said. "I'm not asking for you to be citizen of the year, I'm not asking you to be a sterling role model, I guess I'd just like to see you be functional. Maybe I should be having this discussion with the automail, it seems to be the only functional part of you at the moment."

"Fuck you Mr. Smart Ass, just fuck you and all your smarmy good intentions," Ed sneered, "who volunteered you for sainthood? Oh look at me,I'm going to save my former subordinate from himself. I'm going to get him to realize that he's being a selfish, childish, ingrate and then I can feel good about myself again. Get yourself another medal; this is your way of trying to relive all the past glory, isn't it? This is your way of thinking you're still a hero. Well I have I got news for you...there are no heroes. There is no one out there who knows just what to do or just what to say to save anyones day. I'm not a hero, I was only fixing my own fuck-up in the first place. That's not what a hero is, a hero is someone who is selfless, and you, and me, Roy Mustang? There isn't a selfless bone in our entire bodies."

"That's the spirit," Roy said, "push and push and push as hard as you can. You push and cling at the same time; you have to test people, still you have to test everyone, because you don't believe anyone could ever really care about you. You know, that unlovable rule you have is a real bitch, we need to break it."

"Oh it's been around a long time," Ed said waving his only hand in the air, "I've grown quite attached to it."

"You are, without doubt, the most innovative rule breaker I've ever run across," Roy said, "I'm sure that if you put your considerable mental abilities to the task, we could figure out something."

 _Right. Alchemist, heal thyself, is that it? You want me to take some imaginary rule you think I've set for my life and just...break it. Just change my personality, just like that. You think I can do anything. Don't think I can do anything, don't have that faith in me, don't make me disappoint you._

"Yeah, I can figure out you're a fucking know it all, or you think you are," Ed said, turning his face away.

 _I don't want to disappoint you and it pisses me off that I even think that. Why the fuck should I care what you think of me? Why does it matter?_

"Are you ever going to let go of your past?" Roy asked quietly.

 _My past? You think I can just turn that on and off like a switch, too? You know, you're right, no one has seen the hell I've seen, yourself included. How do you just forget something like that? How do you just brush that aside and stop remembering the way it felt, sounded, tasted and smelled? How do you not think about that thing in the array that shuddered and sobbed and squirmed and breathed? How do you forget a monster with your mother's face? In a perfect world selective memories would be the rule; but nothing will ever be perfect._

"Oh you mean that little detail where I turned my mother into a monster and destroyed my brother's body in the process? Please, consider it done," Ed drawled. "I mean it's not like it was a defining moment or anything."

"Is that all you are? Forever that child? There is nothing else to you?" Roy asked. "So you don't hold anything you've done since then as any sort of accomplishment? You don't see Al as a triumph?"

"A triumph? What? Because I put back what I fucked up in the first place? That's an accomplishment? How about never having done it to begin with, that's more of an accomplishment than just making things right," Ed half laughed. "Oh yeah, good job there Ed, fucking things up so you can go and make them right again, gives you something to do other than have a childhood."

"Want to trade sob stories? I can spin you some really unfair things that have happened to me and everyone else I've ever met. What makes you so special you get to wallow and the rest of us have to move on? You think because bad things happened to you it's a justification to curl up and suck your thumb and make yourself dependent on those around you? I guess at least your thumb nail will be clean, I guess you can be proud of that."

"You know what? Fuck you," Ed said, breath hitching, eyes starting to sting. "You're trying so hard to make me dependent on you and at the same time you're telling me to be an adult and be on my own, which is the way you want it?! If I'm that big a disappointment then just be rid of me, for fuck's sake, don't keep hanging on, just let me fucking drown already, fuck...fuck...," Ed put a hand over his eyes and inhaled sharply and grit his teeth.

"Have you ever, once, said anything about how you feel to Al?" Roy asked. "Have you ever said any of this to him?"

"NO," Ed shouted, "why the fuck would I lay this on AL? For fuck's sake haven't I done enough to him? Why should I bring up any of that shit he's been able to put behind him? Just because I can't let go of it means Al has to hang onto it for the rest of his life?"

"So you know you can't let go," Roy stated. "Al is able to move forward because he realizes what he's gained; you can only think about what you've lost. You don't take anything into account other than what you _had_ to do, and you ignore all the people you helped along the way."

"Not selfless," Ed said, turning wet eyes on Roy, "not by a long shot. Most of the time I was looking for the angle where I could _use_ their gratitude. Some 'hero of the people', huh? Wonder what the people would say if they knew."

"You've got a twist for every good deed you've done in your life, haven't you, Ed? Because no good deed goes unpunished is true in your book," Roy tapped his knee. "It's like you relish the fact that there is some way you can see anything you've ever done as one grand lie. One gigantic self-serving scheme, when really...I don't see what you got out of it at all. Other than this paranoia that everyone is looking for an excuse to abandon you because you are not a good person."

Ed let his head thunk back on the couch. He turned his eyes to the ceiling.

"Good, bad, what does it matter? Who's going to hold us accountable? You don't believe in that, do you? You don't believe there is a greater power there judging us from afar? I gave that up because I am a man of science and not a man of faith. So don't ask me if I lost my faith because I never had any to begin with, all I had was Al. Al was my whole motivation, and yeah, see, I know that. If I had faith, my faith was Al, so in Al's leaving there goes my faith. Pretty fucked up, I know. I bet half the people we know think we're fucking. I don't care. I just don't know what to do with Al way in South City and me stuck here because he won't let me move with him, ok? And you know what, I know how fucked up and dependent that is, but fuck, what the hell am I suppose to do now? I'm not under any illusion I'm a popular person, I know I'm an asshole. I know my friendships only last as long as it takes the transmutation reaction to fade, I know when I give them what they want my usefulness is done. But you know what? None of that mattered before; before Al decided that we should have separate lives. Now I know that the only person I was good for was Al and I'll never have anything else."

Roy clasped his hands together and bowed his head for a moment; then he raised it and rested his chin on his clasped hands, his elbows on his knees.

"That is the most asinine piece shit to ever come out of your mouth," he said with a sigh. "Not only are you denying your entire existence, you're defining yourself through your brother, and your brother is _not_ who you are. Yes, you spent a great deal of your life _living_ for your brother. But to bring him up so high and then try to tear him down by denying your very self is just...unbelievable, Ed. And I don't believe that of you. You may not have faith, but you have a heart and you have a soul and you are a _human_ , just like Al, just as good as Al, and just as deserving as Al. Why is Al the only victim? Why can't you see that you suffered, too? Why is it you need Al to depend on for your very life? Why isn't Al your beacon and your example? Why can't Al be the person who frees you now, frees you from the burden of your childhood when you could live for nothing else? Al isn't your chain, he's your emancipator. The responsibility is lifted Ed, you're free to go and find what it is you got sidetracked from all those years ago."

"It's not that easy, it can't be that easy," Ed said and sniffled hard.

"Only because you won't let it be," Roy returned.

Ed turned his head, lowered his eyes to Roy's face and just looked at him. Looked at him like he was trying to see things Roy couldn't possibly imagine.

"You told me a lot of things in the time I've known you, and I've always known with it was bullshit," Ed finally said. "I can always tell by your face. You're a fucking bastard know-it-all who keeps sticking his nose in my business, but, for the life of me, I can't see the bullshit this time. You know what? Better the bastard you know, huh? I ain't right, you know it, I know it and I'm kinda freaked out about it, so, can I stay here with you until I get it sorted out? I won't be trouble, I'll do my share and I'll try to earn that human label you keep giving me, deal?"

"I'm afraid if I let you out of my sight the next call I get would be from a morgue," Roy said.

"I'll take that as a yes," Ed said.

**

Al returned from his trip a within the next two days. A envelope tapped to the door of the apartment he shared with his brother gave scant detail other than where his brother could be found. The trip in the taxi had been an anxious one, but Roy met him at the door with a smile and showed him in.

"Brother," Al said immediately, coming over and sitting beside Ed, laying his coat across his lap.

"Tell me how it went," Ed said, he didn't quite smile, but the gesture was there, "did you find a good place?"

"I think so," Al said, "you'll have to come and inspect it of course. It's near the labs, it's a decent size for the price." Al wet his lips, looked between the general and his brother. "Where's your automail?" Al ventured.

"In the hall closet," Ed said, "it needed a break from me, I've been sort of out of it."

Al wasn't sure how to respond to that, so he just smoothed his coat for a moment. He looked up at Roy again.

"Thank you for watching out for him, General," Al said. "It was good of you to let him stay here while I was out of town, but I'm back now, so he can come home."

"No," Ed said quickly, and Al turned back to him. "No, I'm going to stay here...for a while. I'd just be in the way while you packed, so, I'm going to hang out here. For some reason the bastard doesn't mind my company," Ed glanced at Roy now, "and I just need to not watch you pack, ok?"

Al nodded, looking at his coat without saying anything and Roy smiled at Ed and Ed turned away.

"Stay for dinner, Al," Roy offered. "It's sandwiches again, because we're both hopeless in the kitchen, but you are welcome to join us."

"I can do you one better, if there is anything cookable in the house, I can make dinner," Al said, standing, and turning to lay his coat on the couch. "If you'll show me the kitchen?"

Roy stood, too, and he and Ed did exchange a look then, but he gestured for Al to follow him down the hall.

Al turned on Roy as Roy suspected he would in the kitchen. Al ran a hand through his hair, seemed to grope about to find a way to start.

"This is what you wanted, Al," Roy said. "Ed on his own, only he's not doing so well at the beginning. We have to give him time, help him cope, the best way you can help him cope is by being out of the picture."

"This isn't what I want," Al shot back, careful to keep his voice low. "Trading our couch for yours? Sitting around without even his arm attached? He looks horrible; what happened while I was gone? What did you say to him? What did you _do_ to him? Why shouldn't I go out there right now and just ask him to come to South City with me?"

"Well I don't know Al, why shouldn't you? Why shouldn't you just forget everything you said to me in my office before you started this little venture? You know, for someone on the move, you don't seem to know what you want anymore than Ed does. You want to keep cleaning up after him, you be my guest; but I'll tell you this: if you back out of this now you'll be doing him more harm than you can possibly imagine. Is that what you want? Suddenly now that Ed is making an effort to move on as well and give you the freedom you said you wanted you don't seem to want it much anymore."

"No..no, you're right," Al said, sagging back against the counter, "it's just seeing him like that, it was a shock. What happened?"

"I think if Ed wants you to know, he'll tell you," Roy said, then came over and gave Al's shoulder a squeeze. "I know it seems hard to believe, but he is doing better today than he was even two days ago. It's improvement and we should encourage it. You go to South City, I'll watch Ed for a while, it seems like my turn."

"Tell me I'm not abandoning my brother," Al said, "tell me that this is alright. Tell me that I'm not an ungrateful bastard."

"No to all of the above," Roy said. "Sometimes it's harder to do the right thing, you know that, Al."

Al nodded, then turned absently to start inspecting what was in the cabinets. Roy lingered in the doorway of the kitchen.

"He knows we're talking about him," Al said, "so maybe you should go keep him company, I could use a few minutes to get myself together anyways...damn General, what do you eat in this house?"

"You thought I was kidding about the sandwiches," Roy said. "Good luck, you've always been a miracle worker, Al," and Roy left him there in the kitchen of nothing to try and make a meal.

**

In the three days before Al's departure Ed began to show some signs of life. He initiated conversation, he asked about the world outside, he got up off the couch and went about small day to day things that had seemed impossible for him only a week before.

He once again proved, that no matter the circumstances, whether defying mystical forces or events in his own life, he could not be kept down.

When he actually came into the kitchen for breakfast that morning, Roy told him he knew the train schedule and when Al would be leaving and suggested to Ed that they should go down to the station to see Al off. Ed hadn't made much comment, except to nod and say he needed to clean up, and while he was in the bath Roy went to the hall closet and took the cardboard tube from it's resting place in the back corner.

He sat with it in the living room, holding it between his knees and turning it, much as he'd done in the police station. The automail clanked faintly as the tube turned and Roy listened quietly for the sound of Ed coming down the hall.

Things were better, but they were not good yet. There were still some obstacles in the way, but Ed was use to that. He'd taken a much worse beating and come out alive.

Ed came in, wiping his face on a towel draped around his shoulders and he looked at the general, then the tube and then the general again. He sat slowly on the couch, his one constant companion it seemed since he'd come to the general's house. Neither of them said anything for a few moments.

"So, are you saying I've earned my arm back?" Ed eventually asked. "It doesn't seem like I've done much."

"Oh you'd be surprised, Edward, you'd be very surprised at all the things you've done in these last few days," the general said. "I think you're ready for it; I think you're ready to start moving on. I am curious, however, as to why you never asked for it back in all this time? You knew right where it was."

Ed cleared his throat, rubbed his knee with his flesh hand.

"I figured I owed it to you," he said after a moment. "I figured that since you were trying so hard to show me life was worth living I owed it to you to earn it back. You've put up with a lot of shit, General, and you didn't have to. I may be my own brand of trouble; and I may be a bigger bastard than you are...but I'm not stupid; and I'm not ungrateful."

Roy tilted the tube and reached in and took Ed's hand.

He drew the automail arm slowly out, as if he was afraid he'd damage it and let the tube clatter to the floor empty. It was heavy, he expected that, and it was hard, being made of metal, but it wasn't so horrible at thing right at this moment. It had, in it's own way, played a part in Ed's new awareness.

"I will say with great certainty that I know absolutely nothing about how this all works," Roy said, standing and walking over to the couch. "You'll have to talk me through it."

"Not much to tell," Ed said, looking at his arm in Roy's hands. "You just shove it in and stand back; maybe get some earplugs."

"Earplugs?" Roy asked.

"Well, it's not fun, General," Ed said with an almost half smile, "it kinda hurts."

Ed gripped the sleeve of his shirt and pulled it up over the port, then looked up at Roy. Roy licked his lips, leaned over and looked into the port, then he looked at the end of the automail and at the port again.

"It's pretty much tab A, slot B, General, it's not brain surgery," Ed said, sounding a bit amused. "Just line it up and shove it in until you hear it click."

"And that's it?" Roy said, trying not to sound nervous.

"That's it, it only takes a minute, I could do it myself if you'd rather not," Ed offered.

"No, I got it," Roy raised the end of the arm, eyeballed the socket and the 'plug', then looked at Ed again.

"Wanna count three?" Ed asked. "You know, you're acting like this is going to hurt you more than it is me," and there was a genuine Edward Elric grin attached to the statement.

"Ok, One," Roy said.

"Two," Ed encouraged.

"Three," Roy finished and pushed the plug in, listening for the click Ed had mentioned. He heard it and the moment he did Ed cried out and the arm jerked out of Roy's grasp and Ed doubled over and fell over on his side on the couch.

Roy wasn't sure how long he hovered there, watching Ed jerk and try to muffle his cries. But eventually Ed began to breath easier, Roy did move then, down to get a wash cloth for Ed's face, because he seemed to be covered in sweat. Ed pushed himself up right, reached with a shaky automail arm for the cloth himself and wiped his face. He then flexed the automail arm, held it out before him, curled his metal fingers and nodded.

"Seems to be working ok," Ed said, voice hoarse, "good job getting it in on the first try. You look a little funny, you going to be ok?" Ed asked, raising an eyebrow.

Roy smiled a bit overly, and nodded, grabbed the washcloth and retreated from the room.

"Do you faint at the sight of blood?" Ed called down the hall after him.

**

Ed and Al stood facing each other on the train platform. The luggage was being loaded and the dull hiss of steam from the engine was a familiar backdrop. Only this time, Al was going alone. The general had walked to the newsstand to buy himself an evening paper, _(even though Ed knew there would be on waiting on the walk when they went home tonight)_ and had left them there alone for the moment.

"This is it," Ed said, hands shoved deep into his jacket pockets, "this is my final triumph, you know, the bastard was right."

"Everything up to this very moment is all because of you," Al said, voice hoarse for some reason, "I want you to know that. My life is all because of you."

"Don't sell yourself short," Ed said with a half smile, "I'm pretty sure you had something to do with it, too."

"As soon as I'm settled I'll send you a train ticket," Al said. "You can come and check out my place and see where I'm working. I really want you to see how I'm living the life you got back for me. I want to make you proud."

Ed nodded, took a hand out of his pocket and extended it to his brother. Al grabbed it and held it tight between his own for a few moments. The train whistled then, and Al released Ed's hand in favor of going for a hug. Ed removed his other hand then, patted Al on the back and then pushed back to look at him.

"I'd love it, but I think it depends on if I'm in jail by then or not," Ed said and slapped Al on the arm.

"Jail? What do you mean jail?" Al said, eyes widening, the train whistled again and both brothers looked at it.

"I guess I'll just have to write you a letter," Ed said, shooing Al toward the steps leading into the passenger cars. "It was kinda eventful those few days you were gone."

"Eventful? Is that all you have to say?" Al said, being herded up to the steps by his elder brother. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?!" Al said, being forced up the first step by Ed's shoulder in his back.

"Don't worry about it," Ed said, giving Al a hard shove and watching him stumble into the car and taking a few steps back from the train and out onto the platform, "I'll handle it, I didn't get give you back your life as you say so you could be bailing me out of jail."

"Brother!" Al cried as the conductor took up the steps and sat them in the car, forcing Al to take a few steps back.

When the conductor closed the door, Ed watched Al run down the car and finally squeeze into a row and between two older women who gave him a dirty look. Al wrenched the window down and stuck his whole upper body out of it. Roy wandered back over, raising his hand to wave.

"General!"Al said, trying to call in reinforcements, "What does he mean _jail_? I thought you were watching him! What am I going to do if he goes to jail?!"

"A damn fine job in your new position," Roy called, "don't worry so much, Al. I'll make sure he has a fine lawyer and who knows, maybe he'll get an easy sentence just doing hard labor."

The train whistle cut off Al's next frantic question and the pistons ground to life. Al yanked himself back in the window and they watched him run down a few more and repeat the process of squeezing in and shoving himself out.

"This is at HELL of a way to send someone off," Al shrieked at them as he passed. He quickly got out of shouting range, but did some pointing and fist shaking.

Ed was smiling, one hand raised in a wave, the other in his jacket pocket. He kept waving until Al pulled back in through the window, then he looked over at Roy.

"You enjoyed that," Roy accused.

"You damn bet I did," Ed grinned. "He's such a fucking nanny, besides, it will give him something to do on the train ride. I'm sure he'll write you a letter the size of a small paperback."

Roy shook his head and watched Ed who was still looking after the train. When Ed turned to leave the platform Roy fell in behind.

Ed was a remarkable, resilient creature. In many ways, Ed was like his automail. Painful, but tough; bent but not easily broken.

"So Edward Elric, where shall we start your new life, providing of course, it's not behind bars," Roy said, following Ed out to the car.

"I think if I just transmute the bar back I can get out of most of that, don't you agree? Got any plans this weekend, wanna take a road trip back to a little town that hates the sight of me?" Ed wrinkled his nose and then got into the car.

"Nothing like the smell of a lynching in the morning," Roy said, climbing in as well. "You know, maybe you should think of that as a career, building bars, you've seen the insides of enough of them."

"Maybe, you know, I think I'll give up that apartment," Ed said. "It's more room than I need. I mean it we rented it furnished, all I got in it are my clothes."

"Oh really?" Roy said, "And where would you stay then? You're not suggesting I need a permanent house guest, are you?"

"If I'm going to be on the road building bars," Ed said as they headed toward home, "I won't be there much now will I? It will hardly be like having a roommate at all. You know, you should talk them into letting me redo that shit hole of an Officer's Club on the base. You could kick start my new career!"

"I can't believe I'm actually considering letting you stay, you know, I like my couch and I miss getting to sit on it because you're lazy ass is asleep on it all the time," Roy said. "I thought the whole point of this was to get you out on your own."

"Hey, one thing at a time, ok?" Ed said. "I mean, Al just left on a train and will be gone who knows how long and I'm not a pitiful lump of goo. I give you credit for that, ok? Take the compliment that I even want to live with your prissy ass in the first place!"

"You mistake prissy for sophisticated," Roy said. "Further more, I suppose I can allow for the fact you have made considerable progress in such a short time. You're right, you owe it all to me. Besides, if I get the courts to give you probation and hand you over to my authority, well, that would be like having a live in housekeeper, wouldn't it?"

"You _wouldn't_ ," Ed seethed.

"Better learn how to work the clothes washing machine," Roy chortled.

And so it went, all the way home, on Ed's first day of _living_.


End file.
